i need to rest my emotions.

everything is just too much.
im hating everybody around me.
im getting sick of being blamed, seen, watched, JUDGED.

i need to let myself breakdown.
i want to see myself being strong, having to overcome EVERYTHING.

im in a world where i dont know anybody at all.
im tired of fooling myself that i belong ; yet inside of me, i know i dont.

im sick of this mask on my face.
i badly wanna take it out. i badly want to be true!

why do people who work more, seem to be less happy?
but those who dont put in effort at all are very happy?
why do i always ask the same things yet i dont get any answer?
why cant people understand that once in awhile, people get tired!
why must the world moving around me seem to stop , to move , without me?

call me EMO , LAME , SHIT , FUCKER , anything! im sick of all that.
everybody just dont get it.
so what if im laughing so loud, smiling at people always,
& cracking jokes here & there,
do that means im fine? hell no man.

& what hurts the most is whenever i lie down on my bed,
every night, that's when everything flash backs in.
im scared to close my eyes, im scared to sleep without talking to people.
& i keep thinking of what will happen, what had i done wrong &
what should i do next.
its not fun . its not very fun . its tiring . sickening .
there's too much inside of me that i need to let go!
no one is to blame ; but i cant help but get mad at certain people.

if you see me alone, quiet & restless at one corner,
you'l ask if im okay or what happened earlier .
& what do you expect me to say?
the truth? & what . get laughed at by you? no thanks .


i know there are some people who fakes people & themselves like , always?
dont end up like me! while there's still time, please. please be true.
im sure you wouldnt want to wake up one day & be surprised to see yourself ;
not being you anymore.
& when that happened, your emotions will just go on ABNORMALLY.
i cant find myself now! im over-seeing things. would you want that?

hell god i really wanna go out for atleast 3 days. just by myself!
i cant find FAYE anymore :( .. sorry for being emo :( just stop
giving me more troubles first? i'l promise to bring back myself .

but for now, just allow me to let myself FALL . im willing . im willing to stand up again . but it will take time.


& when i open my eyes, that's when everything starts. but why cant it just end when i close my eyes?!


MARIE ! thanks for the ocmpany, i appreciate it so much. please let me repay you!! :) really thank you . i dont know what to say :)